The Family (2013)
Actors:
Louis Arcella (actor),
Ted Arcidi (actor),
Michel Aymard (actor),
Paul Bandey (actor),
Alain Barbier (actor),
David Belle (actor),
Jonas Bloquet (actor),
Dave Bobb (actor),
Mike Bocchetti (actor),
Jean-Claude Bohbote (actor),
Paul Borghese (actor),
Raphaël Boshart (actor),
Abigail Boucher (actor),
Xavier Brossard (actor),
Greg Antonacci (actor),
Plot: A mafia boss and his family are relocated to a sleepy town in France under the witness protection program after snitching on the mob. Despite the best efforts of CIA Agent Stansfield ('Tommy Lee Jones' (qv)) to keep them in line, Fred Manzoni ('Robert De Niro' (qv)), his wife Maggie ('Michelle Pfeiffer' (qv)) and their children Belle ('Dianna Agron' (qv)) and Warren ('John D'Leo' (qv)) can't help but revert to old habits and blow their cover by handling their problems the "family" way, enabling their former mafia cronies to track them down. Chaos ensues as old scores are settled in the unlikeliest of settings.
Keywords: ak-47, al-capone-quotation, alarm-clock, american-abroad, anti-hero, archival-footage, armory, assassination-attempt, attempted-rape, attica-prison
Genres:
Comedy,
Crime,
Thriller,
Taglines: Some call it organized crime. Others call it family. Dianna Agron is the mobgirl next door Robert DeNiro is one killer dad Michelle Pfeiffer is one bad mother Hitman's best friend John D'Leo is the young gun
Quotes:
Fred Blake: Is everything alright?::Maggie Blake: Nothing much, just the prospect of packing up and moving again when they find out you killed the plumber.::Fred Blake: I didn't kill him, I took him to the hospital.::Maggie Blake: Why'd you beat him to a pulp? He's the only plumber within a radius of 20 miles.::Fred Blake: But he disrespected us and he made you wait on him, honey.::Maggie Blake: Geez, honey, I survived.::Fred Blake: And you know the guy was trying to rip me off, so put yourself in my shoes.::Maggie Blake: Oh, I definitely wouldn't have beaten him up. I mean, who's gonna fix the pipes now?::Fred Blake: Well who's gonna rebuild the supermarket that burned down the day we got here? Huh?
Belle Blake: [after beating a guy with a tennis racket] Hey boys, is this your approach to women? You're not gonna get very far. Girls are not some toys that you fuck in the park! Okay? Your future depends on women, don't you care about your future? So take care of them, or else you're not gonna have one.
Maggie Blake: [Whispering into a party guest's ear] You're gonna take that silverware and put it where you found it, nice and easy, or else I'm gonna break both your arms.
Warren Blake: Have you ever noticed the number of things dad is capable of expressing just with the word "fuck"?::Belle Blake: Trying to say dad is illiterate?::Warren Blake: No, I mean he's a good old boy, so you know he talks to be understood, not just to sound good. So from him a "fuck" would mean "holly shit, what did I just get myself into" or "great pasta" or "I'm gonna get that guy for that". So, why do a guy like that need to stay up all night writing? He could already express the entire range of human emotions, with a single word.
Fred Blake: [narrating] The only real question we should ask ourselves during our existence is: "How much is a man's life worth?" Knowing what you're worth is like knowing what day you're gonna die. Me? I'm worth 20 million dollars... and I'd hand over every last dollar to get my old life back.
Maggie Blake: The human body was not designed to combat saturated fat like that. The butter impregnates the tissues and hardens the cells, like silt. It makes you aorta stiffer than a hockey stick. Where as olive oil - caresses your insides, leaving nothing behind but it's scent.::Billy the Bug: That's right. Oil is in the Bible.
Fred Blake: [narrating] Al Capone always said, asking polite with a gun in your hand is always better than just asking polite.
Fred Blake: [writing his memoirs] I won't spare myself. I'll tell the story without trying to make myself look good. But in this chapter I'll do the opposite and demonstrate to you that if you take a closer look, I'm a good guy. I'll prove it to you in 10 points. A bit like one of Letterman's Late Show Top 10 Lists. So here we go...::Fred Blake: 10: I am always up front. Always. [sneaks up and shoots a couple of guys in a car]::Fred Blake: Number 9: I never look for a scape goat. [tied up and laughing at thugs that are beating him up]::Fred Blake: Number 8: If you give me a job, I'll always see it through. [dunking a guy into liquid nitrogen]::Fred Blake: Number 7: I've never shown contempt for people who fear me. [robbing some Hasidic Jews]::Fred Blake: Number 6: I've never betrayed the guy who gave me my first gun. [refuses to identify Fat Willy in court]::Fred Blake: Number 5: I never wished any harm on anybody. [demonstrates his influence over street cops]::Fred Blake: Number 4: I lived outside the law, but only outlaws didn't judge me. [schmoozing with wise guys]::Fred Blake: Number 3: Anybody who doesn't contradict me can expect nothing but good things from me. [pays off a photographer to not photograph him]::Fred Blake: Number 2: In my neighborhood when I was running it, there was never a single robbery on the street. [glad-handing around town] People lived and slept peacefully.::Fred Blake: Number 1 of the top 10 reasons why I'm a good guy? I don't like to cause pain for no reason, because all my sadistic urges are satisfied when I cause pain for a good reason. [beating a guy with a baseball bat until the bat breaks] Wait, I'm gonna find a pain killer. [grabs a 3-pound hammer from his bag]
Fred Blake: I didn't always do the right thing by both of youse. And I put you in a tricky situation. And I regret that.::Belle Blake: Dad. Dad. What are you talking about? Your are the *best* dad anybody could ever ask for.::Fred Blake: Really?::Belle Blake: Fuck, yeah!::Fred Blake: Oh, well, let's go party then.
Priest: I was expecting a parishioner who can't make it, apparently. Would you like to take his place for confession?::Maggie Blake: Me? Oh, I confess, it's been years since I went to confession.
